Mr Tourettes’ Open Forum On Fuel Pricing.

Posted on April 16, 2011 by CharlesGH

Transport Fuel:

I know I’m probably stating the f###ing obvious here, but! Why do we British like having the f###ing piss taken out of us, by our leaders. We’re like a bunch of f###ing puppies wanting bellies tickled by our owners!

And we always believe such f###ing shit by who ever is in charge. Every f###ing Government we’ve had recently excels in Bovine Excreta(Bull shit, for you thick f#ckers).

May be if they told us the f###ing truth sometimes we (the Great British public) might understand some of the ridiculous lies we’re told. I suppose some might call it a “conspiracy theory”. Bollox it’s other name is Truth!

If I can relate this to another of my superior writings of recent:

Mr Tourettes Response To The budget . 1p off a litre of fuel! If that has happened then why are fuel prices going up? Don’t give that f###ing shit about Libya. They only produce enough to keep f###ing Malta going! It’s those f###ing greedy bastards who run the fuel co’s and also so we have to finance the next f###ing war!

Why is there such a huge f###ing difference in fuel pricing within say 20 miles? We’re talking in some cases 15p a litre! The Government needs to address this f###ing massive con that is another f###ing tax. 64% to be f###ing precise. The forecourt  get 5p per litre!

Domestic Fuel:

We’ve been told there will be a reduction in house hold fuels. That, the poor and elderly will get more help to pay their bills! Now we’re being told: Sorry we’re going to have to put the price up by 20-40%. What the f#ck for? Libya and China! Why am I not f###ing surprised, any f###ing excuse for a price increase! Lies, Lies and more f###ing Lies!

  • The real reasons for the f###ing increases are: China are having to buy their gas from another country(Russia) because all their fuel is f###ed after the earth quake. What I’d like to suggest is that we buy direct from Russia and cut out the middle man. F##k me, I’ve just f###ing clicked! Or may be we can’t do that because all our f###ing money is really the Chinese’ and that ‘s who is really financing the “Global  F###ing Economy”! We really are f###ed!
  • Secondly, The Power Companies told us to turn our f###ing heating down in the winter to conserve f###ing fuel and give cheaper f###ing bills; this we all f###ing did! What’s happened now? Well I’ll f###ing tell you. They did not make enough f###ing profit(greedy f#ckers) These are the real reasons for these f###ing recent increases!

Do you see what I mean? If the f###ing Government told us the truth, we’d probably be a bit more f###ing helpful! So my thoughts are: F###ing go in hard sort the Libyans out, steal their f###ing oil and anything else worth f###ing having. Pop next door and sort those f###ers out and anybody else who wants to f##k about with us. We may as well because half of them will end over here any f###ingway! Oh sorry we can’t do that we’re f###ing puppies!

Once, we were The Global Economy, we’ve handed it over to those clever  f###ing Chinese. Mr f##ing Brown sold all our gold to The Chinese(f###ing genius that was) Even the f###ing Greeks could see how f###ing stupid that was, because even they are buying gold now because they’re currency is f#cked!

 

I’d like to quote Prince Philip but I might cause him some offence! “You can’t trust these slitty eyed people”

Where has our Bulldog spirit gone. It’s been replaced by some f###ing puppy. That was done by the f###ing soft-under-belly types who run our sad f###ing country today! It all comes down to discipline at school. What that saying? “Spare the rod, spoil the child!”

I think that a f###ing good idea! If in doubt give them a f###ing good slap. ( In the right circumstances) Never did me any harm!! Mrs “T” often gets the whip out. Strictly medicinal you understand!!! Oh happy days:)

Posted in Alternative energy, Criminals and other Low life, fuel, global economy., Mr Tourettes guide to fast food & Political correctness., The Libyan Crisis | Tagged , , , , | 7 Comments

Mr Tourettes’ Guide To Fast Food and Political Correctness.

Posted on April 10, 2011 by CharlesGH

It’s been brought to my attention, that The Colonel from Kentucky has been told that he can no longer describe his chicken as ” Finger licking good”!

Which f###ing hippy dreamt that one up?  Apparently it has sexual connotations! Sexual conif###ingtations my arse. These f###ing arse wholes are f###ing perverted.  If that’s the best they  can “come up”  with(sorry no sexual connotation intended)while they sit on their fat arses all day, they should be f###ing introduced to the dole queue! They’re being paid a f####ing fortune to “come up”(sorry) with these f####ing p.c ideas. Sat in their ivory f###ing towers; next they’ll f###ing ban bananas for being f###ing penis shaped!

F###ing hell if they saw the Camel cigarette ad in the 70’s they f###ing shit them selves.”She’s smiling, because she’s just had a Camel” Now that’s f###ing close to the Knuckle! What was the other one? Oh yes! You can only get two fingures in a Twix!

Fanny Cradduck. (Now there’s a name)…What a national treasure! I remember watching her cookery programme on how to make the perfect Do-nut and Sausage Rolls. After she had preformed said recipes, her husband, Dick (oops) announced, that he hoped that all our Do-nuts looked like Fannys’ and Mrs Cradduck replied by saying that she hoped all our sausage rolls looked like Dicks!

Lets face a few f###ing facts! The average fast f###ing food outlet is pretty f###ing diar.You are served by some poor person who has the embarrassment for being awarded employee of  the week (That loosely translated means..How f###ing rude can I be) who also has the ordasity to sell you a f###ing horrendous lump of what they call food, washed down by a pint of sugar! Then we say how f###ing crap it was, still we keep going back!

What really f###ing pisses me off about the whole(oops) thing is: The  p.c people are more concerned about some f###ing shallow minded tw@ being offended by “Sticky Fingers” than the real issue which has to be: Why are we being sold such f###ing shit in the first place!

Rumour has it that our local council are allowing a K.F.C in our f###ing town! First f###ing Tesco. What f###ing amazed me was that when planning was going forward for said super market, we were assured it would have a positive effect on our Town. Too f###ing right! A positive effect on how to close 12 businesses down in 6 months. Costing people their jobs.

But it’s o.k! The f###ing p.c. people said it’s alright. As long as we don’t upset the big players we’re f###ing sorted!

May I offer my sincere congratuf###inglationts to the THE U.S.A for finally getting rid of Osama Bin Laden(The latest in fish food) Apparently they do take out bins of a week end!

Those f###ing p.c. people are at it again! Apparently the f###er was’nt armed!! Well pardon f###ing me while I shed a tear! What about those poor innocent people who died in The Twin Towers and all the others that have been killed on our trains! If We have not learned from anything from the last 15 years it must be …Keep the f###ing press and media out of war! If  Blaire and Bush had f###ing gone into Saddam Hussien the same way we’d be a lot better off now. There We Are Then: Blaires f###ing legacy!

 

Posted in Blaire, Blaires' Legacy., Mr Tourettes guide to fast food & Political correctness., Mr Tourettes Guide To The Budget | Tagged , | 8 Comments

Mr Tourettes’ Diagnosis on The N.H.S Dilemma!

Posted on April 6, 2011 by CharlesGH

Oh my goodness, what has happened to the NHS?

Hospitals are full of patients, with fewer doctors, nurses and other staff to look after the Great British public. The NHS is consistanly running in the “black”and has a really healthy pension scheme.

The Government, who up until recently have been doing a reasonable job in sorting out Tony F###ing Blair’s’ Legacy, have for some stupid f###ing reason decided to rip the heart out of our NHS.

Oh how f###ing stupid of me did I just say “for some reason”?

460 flights over Libya, countless Tomahawk Missiles at 4million a go, and the list goes f###ing on.

Mean while back at the f###ing ranch; Mr General Public wants a f###ing hip  replacement and is told: F##k off we have not got any money! The government had to buy a f###ing gun to blast some one else’s hips off… But actually there is an alternative. Go f###ing private!

For decades we’ve been paying into a system to give us THE BEST HEALTH SERVICE IN THE WORLD. Now over the past few years it’s dwindling, being hacked apart, f###ing shagged beyond belief. Like a dying elephant in the wilderness being ripped to shreds by lions and finished off by f###ing hyenas. What for?

So we can buy the bankers out of shit, allow big fat cat oil tycoons to earn Billions in profit, go to yet another f###ing war! Yet all the time there are poor people who have f###ing struggled all their lives paid their way through thick and thin, listened to the f###ing lies every f###ing government has spewed out, to be told: Sorry we can’t give you your long awaited operation, because some f###ing irresponsible idiot has given it away to a f###ing banker who put us where we are now…skint. But never f###ing mind he’s still got his job he only lost us 15 Billion….Go f##ing private . You can afford it! That’s the American way! More debt more poverty.

Have we not learned f###ing anything over the last few years…We’re f###ing broke, the country is broke!

But there again if we’re so f###ing broke how come we the British can afford £6 Billion to give to Portugal (Lovely people) add this to the f###ing Billions we give to some Asian countries so they can build schools in Al Qaeda areas to help teach their kids to make f###ing bombs. It just stinks of hypocracy

The sad fact is, the NHS was started by a great Welshman(Mr Bevan) who believed that every man, woman and child should receive the best possible care. Care that for generations we have paid into, invested billions of pounds.

May be the government and their sad bunch of over- paid f###ing politicians should take the Hippocratic Oath.

Posted in Blaires' Legacy. | Tagged , | 7 Comments

Mr Tourettes’ Guide to The Libyan Crisis.

Posted on March 27, 2011 by CharlesGH

Why am I not f###ing surprised, that yet again we the great western powers- that- be have wondered into a situation which we don’t have the slightest f###ing clue about.

The questions are: Who or what is really behind the uprising? If Gaddaffi is deposed who will take over?

Mr F###ing Blaire wanders into Libya and basically tells Gaddaffi to behave him self or he’ll get a slapped wrist.(I can smell the bull shit from here) And then sells him a f###ing shit load of weapons to defend himself with, just in case.

If  Tony f###ing Blaire had n’t done such a good job in telling Gadaffi to get rid of his WMD’s (nuclear stuff) and to rely on good old fashioned guns and shit, he’d not in the shit he’s in now!

Yes I know General Gaddaffi is a right f###ing old tyrant, but at least he’s managed to keep a bit control in his f###ing country. One minute we’re quite happy with the General next f###ing Blaire gets his f###ing nose stuck in and whollop all the control has gone. We’ve now got a load of Arabs running around trying to dipose the General, when upto two months ago all was fairly o.k. in the land of Libya.

We will never really understand the Arab nations and from what I’ve seen in the past 4 decades of being on this planet, things won’t be f###ing sorted over night.

There is an old saying: Let sleeping f###ing dogs lie! Another one, is: If its not f###ing broken don’t fix it!

We have this knack of going into situations thinking we’re know all the f###ing answers. Is there any reason why the Arab nations don’t F###ing sort out their own F###ing problems?  I don’t know the f###ing answer. What I do f###ing know, is that the person who put Blaire in charge of that situation needs his f###ing bollox cutting off and feeding to the people of Libya!

Any way! Does any one f###ing know which side we’re f###ing on? One minuet we’re shooting at Gaddaafi and his lot, the next we’re killing the “Rebels”! Does this sound familiar with another f###ing war? I think it’s called “Friendly Fire”! F##k that for a game of soldiers!!

The saga continues. Apparently he is now hiding in a bunker under a children’s play ground. Now this is either propaganda or he really is f###ing chicken shit, for that he should be taken out!

Mean while, here we are again, cleaning Mr Tony F###ing Blaires’ legacy!

It’s all a load of  fucking bollox anyway!…oh fuck it !

FUCKING= f###ing=flipping

 

 

 

Posted in Blaire, The Libyan Crisis | Tagged | Leave a comment

Mr Tourettes’ Guide To The Census.

Posted on March 27, 2011 by CharlesGH

Having just put the f###ing clocks forward again, I’ve remembered about this f###ing census crap!

Knowing me as some of you do (nosey f@ckers) I was taking it quite seriously, the thought of telling the our government all about The Tourettes family (F###ing hell & I thought you lot were nosey) When Mrs Tourettes announced that she’d lost the f###ing cenus.

Oh f###ing hell what the f#ck are we going to f###ing do? We’ll get f###ing deported!

F###ing hell deported I thought. Where to? Poland? Czechoslovf##ingvakia both places are as empty as the f###ing Governments  purse because every f#cker is here scrounging off us.

We could move there start up a new f###ing country; may be “Tourettetopia”! Ban any f#cker who we don’t f###ing like or won’t toe the f###ing line. In fact we could just send them f###ing here ‘cos that seems to be the minimum qualification anyone needs to get in.

Then the master plan emerged. I won’t claim as mine, some other f#cker thought of it.

We all fill in the form as a one legged lesbian decorator, called Andy Toilet (No offence to lesbians. I went to lesbia once & it’s a f###ing lovely country)

The real reason for this f###ing invasion into our lives is: They’ve lost count of how many f###ing illegal immigrants they’ve let into our country over the last 20 f###ing years. Another one of Mr Tony f###ing Blaires legacies!

To quote Al Murray (The Pub Land lord) Just in case someone doesn’t Know who he f####ing is!

“Shame on you, you scrounging bastards , shame on you!”

Shame is what this f###ing  country needs. Shame on any f###er who scrounges and does not repay in some f###ing way.

Lets face it. If you receive money for doing f##k all, you should be shamed and f###ing made to do something towards the country that’s keeping you, and that doesn’t mean making f###ing bombs to destroy us with and preaching f###ing hatred against the country that has taken them in. Never bite the f###ing hand that f###ing feeds you!

In fact I want to go a step further. What the f#ck happened to Treason? Years ago if any one even f###ing uttered a word against the Queen (God bless her) they’d be thrown in The Tower. Best f###ing place for the vermin if you ask me!

But the great British public seem to have lost their stomach for a good battle, we seem to be happy to let these scrounging bastards live off us and take the piss. Shame on them!

Now the same has to be said for these f###ing fat cat bastards in the oil business. They’re bleeding us f###ing dry. What do we do about it, whinge and f###ing moan! Saying things like: “Why is fuel cheaper in France? I thought we lived in a common market!” Like f#ck we do; if the French government tried to do what our Governments have done to us over the last 20 years, there would be a f###ing riot. I welcome any one who can make a great living from good means. What I can’t f###ing stand is some robbing bastard who takes the piss out of the f###ing vulnerable! That includes any f##er who comes here to scrounge a living!

 

Posted in Blaire, Blaires' Legacy., fuel, Mr Tourettes Guide To The Budget, Mr Tourettes' Guide To The Census | Tagged , , , , | 7 Comments

Mr Tourettes’ Response To The Budget!

Posted on March 25, 2011 by CharlesGH

Do my f###ing ears believe what has been announced?

Fuel:

An incredible 1 f###ing penny off a litre of fuel!

Apparently if you own a f###ing Ford focus that equates to a massive saving of….£7.00! What can you buy for £7.00 these days? Oh I now a f###ing pint at the local!

That will be the next thing to go from our villages the local. The previous Government f###ing bleed the local business’s dry, closed most of our village post offices now this Government want to stop the bus service in rural areas; which is f###ing non-existent anyway. Whose this affecting? Us, the country folk, the old people who have lived in country all their lives. these poor b#ggers are now being told to move to a f####ing town, were they can probably f###ing walk to get their f###ing crap pension. The present Government are actually trying to sort that little bomb shell out.

Anyway must not go off on a tangent otherwise I’ll get a right f###ing bolloking off Mrs Tourettes( You don’t want f#ck with her I can tell you)

I mean 1p off! What a massive difference that going to make to our hauliers, the f###ing white van man, Driving Instructors(Yes I did spell Driving Instructors with capitals for obvious f###ing reasons) builders, plumbers. Don’t make f###ing laugh 1p f###ing penny is not worth a fart. They may as well be f###ing honest and go to  £2.00 now and be done with it! Do you f###ing know how much combined f###ing tax the Government get is? 64f###ing%! Enough said!

Where do they f###ing spend it? They give to other f###ing countries!

Then we’ve got to listen to the F###ing whining oil bosses, saying they’re not making a bigger enough profit! NOT F###ING ENOUGH! Don’t make me f###ing laugh. I thought in a recession we all had to tighten our f###ing belts not just the poor and vulnerable. May be they should try living a little more realistically, pay a bit more towards the f###ing debt that they’ve helped fuel (no pun intended), along with the F###ing bankers. (No I’m not going there, Mrs Tourettes has entered the f###ing room!)

Heating/Gas & Oil.

Well at least this one is going to come down!? But would you f###ing believe what I’ve just been f##ing told….Gas and electric is going up by a f###ing huge 20-40%. They’re blaming ( you guessed it) The Libya crisis and China. Apparently we buy most of our f###ing gas from China and most of our oil from Libya!

No shit Sherlock! So the Chinese are having to buy the gas they sell to us from somewhere else, probably Russia .  So my question is ! Why the f#ck don’t we buy our f###ing gas from Russia? Cut out the f###ing middle man! Talking about the Chinese..it was a bit nippy last winter!

So my advise is, to get to one of these power gen companies and get your f###ing tarrif changed to a cheaper one that’s fixed for two years! I don’t charge for my services!

Not that I’m complaining but (and it’s a f###ing big but.) If heating is coming down then why the f### isn’t oil for petrol and diesel coming down? I suppose they get it from a different f###ing oilfield! And I thought Diesel was f###ing cheaper to produce than petrol.

Oh how f###ing stupid of me! Mr f###ing Blaire and his bandits got us to buy f###ing diesel cars when diesel was cheaper to buy from the pump than petrol. There we go Blaires’ f###ing legacy again!

Pensions:

Why are we paying people a pension who have just f###ing arrived to our Great country? Because the Eurot@s say so. Well f#ck you Europe. Why if you go to France do you get f#ck all? Because if you have paid f#ck all you get f#ck all. Simple!

I would like to suggest a simple solution: If you have not contributed  anything in to our purse in ten years…tough f###ing shit! Immigration sorted! There’s a ship that needs a crew.

Posted in Blaire, Blaires' Legacy., fuel, Mr Tourettes Guide To The Budget, The Libyan Crisis | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Mr Tourettes’ Guide To Alternative Energy!

Posted on March 24, 2011 by CharlesGH

 

 

After a terrible nights sleep, that was created entirely by my dearest’ -Mrs “T” snoring! I was watching the local news pragramme.

The news caster was doing a broadcast on Alternative Energy. Within 2 sentences  he had got on to the subject of “Gaddaffi” and why the Great British public don’t seem too bothered about the war.

Wind Turbines.

Well I tell you why the Great British Government are not bothered about the war…There no f###ing benefit. We already own the oil fields (Unlike Iran) Then some f###ing labour tosser started on f###ing Alternative Energy.. Why not give wind power a go she said. It’s free she said ..Free my f###ing arse! When will these dim witted f###ers realise that wind farms do not benifit the power of this country at all. She said we could plant more wind farms up and down our country side and produce more power. What part of “Wind f###ing farms don’t  f###ing work” don’t you understand.Probably the same bit as.”Don’t invade Iraq it’ll end in tears” Yea f###ing right…our tears”!

Just look out to sea by Rhyl when it’s windy are they working? Like f### they are! They might f###ing break! On Bodmin Moor when its windy( Lets face it’s always f###ing blowing a f###ing gale up there) are they working …NO. They only work when there’s a pleasant f###ing breeze!

The only good thing they are for, is growing f###ing mussels off the North Wales coast!

One sad thing about these f###ing monstrosities is that they kill bats! Poor little things, flying along one night, minding their own f###ing business and zap. All the air is sucked out from their lungs! I thought Bats were supposed to be a protected species. Only when it f###ing suits I guess!

Energy Saving Light Bulbs.

Mrs Tourettes has summed these little inventions up to a Tee. “They are f###ing crap”.

I thought if you replaced all your light bulbs you would save a f###ing fortune. That’s what we’ve all been told! I’ve seen no f###ing difference in my energy bill as regards Light Bulbs. All they f###ing do is make a f###ing annoying humming noise. Mrs Tourettes always asks me the same f###ing question: “Can you hear that f###ing humming noise?”

The only difference has been going from MANWEB to EON. Nothing to with f###ing light bulbs.

Todays’ tip has to be: Don’t put an energy saving light bulb at the top of your stairs, unless you want to f###ing kill someone!

 

Wake up world! Alternative energy is when it’s free.  Look around you get off your fat arses and do some thing Alternative, get some free heat. Stop listening to the f###ing crap all around. Listen to your heart.  Before it’s too F###ing late.

A really great Alternative Energy, would be to harness all the wind that our f###ing polititions let out every day, telling us how f###ing important they are and how f###ing well they do there jobs! The only honest politician we’ve had was Guy Falkes…And they executed that poor f###er.

And now the “great powers that be” are going to have another f###ing meeting! On Global warming. Global f###ing warming? My arse. If it’s f###ing warming up, why is it so f###ing cold in June? Where is all the f###ing rain? It’s all about money! These f###ing scientists are being paid a f###ing fortune to give us crap! Sounds familiar doesn’t it? Politicians they’re the same: full of crap!

The E.U. so I’ve just been reliably informed. Have sanctioned the destruction of rain forest so the “alternative fuel people” can plant f###ing  Bio-fuel crops! What the f#ck is that all about?

Posted in Alternative energy, global economy. | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

My first F###ing Post!

Posted on March 16, 2011 by CharlesGH

Today it’s been brought to my attention that our illustrious leader wants to make homeless people illeagal! He also wants to make it illeagal for them to recieve free f###ing food!

The question that needs to be asked is:

Who f####ing put them there in the first place? Can’t blame the present government, neither can we blame the last couple. I blame the fat little b@stards who are bleeding the country dry with their crazy f###ing bonuses.

Giving money out to people who can’t afford the loans in the first place. Loans taken out to pay for real life necessaries like food, heating, clothing; you know stuff that we need and take for granted. Fuel! Don’t get me f###ing started! Oh go on then.

In twelve months we’ve had an increase of .50p a f###ing litre. Some say its tax others say we’re investing for a greener f###ing future.  Bollox it’s paying fat b@stards huge sums of money for doing f##k all! And as for beer and fags and the like.

Did you know that £1.00p of a pint is tax/duty. Robbing f###ers!

I think the next subject could well be ” Mr Tourettes Guide To Alternative Energy”

That’s all for now.

N.B F###ing= Flipping!

 

 

Posted in fuel, Homeless | 2 Comments