Mr Tourettes’ Response To The Budget!

Do my f###ing ears believe what has been announced?

Fuel:

An incredible 1 f###ing penny off a litre of fuel!

Apparently if you own a f###ing Ford focus that equates to a massive saving of….£7.00! What can you buy for £7.00 these days? Oh I now a f###ing pint at the local!

That will be the next thing to go from our villages the local. The previous Government f###ing bleed the local business’s dry, closed most of our village post offices now this Government want to stop the bus service in rural areas; which is f###ing non-existent anyway. Whose this affecting? Us, the country folk, the old people who have lived in country all their lives. these poor b#ggers are now being told to move to a f####ing town, were they can probably f###ing walk to get their f###ing crap pension. The present Government are actually trying to sort that little bomb shell out.

Anyway must not go off on a tangent otherwise I’ll get a right f###ing bolloking off Mrs Tourettes( You don’t want f#ck with her I can tell you)

I mean 1p off! What a massive difference that going to make to our hauliers, the f###ing white van man, Driving Instructors(Yes I did spell Driving Instructors with capitals for obvious f###ing reasons) builders, plumbers. Don’t make f###ing laugh 1p f###ing penny is not worth a fart. They may as well be f###ing honest and go to  £2.00 now and be done with it! Do you f###ing know how much combined f###ing tax the Government get is? 64f###ing%! Enough said!

Where do they f###ing spend it? They give to other f###ing countries!

Then we’ve got to listen to the F###ing whining oil bosses, saying they’re not making a bigger enough profit! NOT F###ING ENOUGH! Don’t make me f###ing laugh. I thought in a recession we all had to tighten our f###ing belts not just the poor and vulnerable. May be they should try living a little more realistically, pay a bit more towards the f###ing debt that they’ve helped fuel (no pun intended), along with the F###ing bankers. (No I’m not going there, Mrs Tourettes has entered the f###ing room!)

Heating/Gas & Oil.

Well at least this one is going to come down!? But would you f###ing believe what I’ve just been f##ing told….Gas and electric is going up by a f###ing huge 20-40%. They’re blaming ( you guessed it) The Libya crisis and China. Apparently we buy most of our f###ing gas from China and most of our oil from Libya!

No shit Sherlock! So the Chinese are having to buy the gas they sell to us from somewhere else, probably Russia .  So my question is ! Why the f#ck don’t we buy our f###ing gas from Russia? Cut out the f###ing middle man! Talking about the Chinese..it was a bit nippy last winter!

So my advise is, to get to one of these power gen companies and get your f###ing tarrif changed to a cheaper one that’s fixed for two years! I don’t charge for my services!

Not that I’m complaining but (and it’s a f###ing big but.) If heating is coming down then why the f### isn’t oil for petrol and diesel coming down? I suppose they get it from a different f###ing oilfield! And I thought Diesel was f###ing cheaper to produce than petrol.

Oh how f###ing stupid of me! Mr f###ing Blaire and his bandits got us to buy f###ing diesel cars when diesel was cheaper to buy from the pump than petrol. There we go Blaires’ f###ing legacy again!

Pensions:

Why are we paying people a pension who have just f###ing arrived to our Great country? Because the Eurot@s say so. Well f#ck you Europe. Why if you go to France do you get f#ck all? Because if you have paid f#ck all you get f#ck all. Simple!

I would like to suggest a simple solution: If you have not contributed  anything in to our purse in ten years…tough f###ing shit! Immigration sorted! There’s a ship that needs a crew.