Mr Tourettes’ Guide To Alternative Energy!

After a terrible nights sleep, that was created entirely by my dearest’ -Mrs “T” snoring! I was watching the local news pragramme.

The news caster was doing a broadcast on Alternative Energy. Within 2 sentences  he had got on to the subject of “Gaddaffi” and why the Great British public don’t seem too bothered about the war.

Wind Turbines.

Well I tell you why the Great British Government are not bothered about the war…There no f###ing benefit. We already own the oil fields (Unlike Iran) Then some f###ing labour tosser started on f###ing Alternative Energy.. Why not give wind power a go she said. It’s free she said ..Free my f###ing arse! When will these dim witted f###ers realise that wind farms do not benifit the power of this country at all. She said we could plant more wind farms up and down our country side and produce more power. What part of “Wind f###ing farms don’t  f###ing work” don’t you understand.Probably the same bit as.”Don’t invade Iraq it’ll end in tears” Yea f###ing right…our tears”!

Just look out to sea by Rhyl when it’s windy are they working? Like f### they are! They might f###ing break! On Bodmin Moor when its windy( Lets face it’s always f###ing blowing a f###ing gale up there) are they working …NO. They only work when there’s a pleasant f###ing breeze!

The only good thing they are for, is growing f###ing mussels off the North Wales coast!

One sad thing about these f###ing monstrosities is that they kill bats! Poor little things, flying along one night, minding their own f###ing business and zap. All the air is sucked out from their lungs! I thought Bats were supposed to be a protected species. Only when it f###ing suits I guess!

Energy Saving Light Bulbs.

Mrs Tourettes has summed these little inventions up to a Tee. “They are f###ing crap”.

I thought if you replaced all your light bulbs you would save a f###ing fortune. That’s what we’ve all been told! I’ve seen no f###ing difference in my energy bill as regards Light Bulbs. All they f###ing do is make a f###ing annoying humming noise. Mrs Tourettes always asks me the same f###ing question: “Can you hear that f###ing humming noise?”

The only difference has been going from MANWEB to EON. Nothing to with f###ing light bulbs.

Todays’ tip has to be: Don’t put an energy saving light bulb at the top of your stairs, unless you want to f###ing kill someone!

Wake up world! Alternative energy is when it’s free.  Look around you get off your fat arses and do some thing Alternative, get some free heat. Stop listening to the f###ing crap all around. Listen to your heart.  Before it’s too F###ing late.

A really great Alternative Energy, would be to harness all the wind that our f###ing polititions let out every day, telling us how f###ing important they are and how f###ing well they do there jobs! The only honest politician we’ve had was Guy Falkes…And they executed that poor f###er.

And now the “great powers that be” are going to have another f###ing meeting! On Global warming. Global f###ing warming? My arse. If it’s f###ing warming up, why is it so f###ing cold in June? Where is all the f###ing rain? It’s all about money! These f###ing scientists are being paid a f###ing fortune to give us crap! Sounds familiar doesn’t it? Politicians they’re the same: full of crap!

The E.U. so I’ve just been reliably informed. Have sanctioned the destruction of rain forest so the “alternative fuel people” can plant f###ing  Bio-fuel crops! What the f#ck is that all about?